April is coming....

I have a friend who has a little boy who was born in April 2006. She was remarking that Kai would be 3 on his birthday and I remembered. I remembered that during the Christmas season when we found out about the baby we wanted to adopt, I said to my husband, pointing to Kai, this is where we will be next Christmas. I remember thinking that Kai would be one in the same month that our baby boy would be born. And so I remembered, that our son would be two this April. And I morn, again.

One Year Anniversary

It's been one year that we found out we would not be adopting our dear sweet baby.

Great Sadness

Sigh!

No new baby:(

We heard from our agency that we were not the family picked to adopt the little boy that we put our homestudy in for in December.

Ironically, later that afternoon, we received the bill from our agency for submitting the homestudy. Ahh, such is the game of adoption.

Actually, I am doing okay. Wondering what God has for us in all this. Wondering if I'm missing what He wants us to do. Wondering if three children is the size of our family.

Hmmmm?

Here we go again;)

Well, our agency called yesterday with a referral.

Little boy. Blond hair. Blue-eyed. One-year old.

Put our home study in. Won't hear anything until after the first of the year.

Don't know when the matching meeting is.

For those not familiar with adoption through foster care agencies.....Children become available when a county obtains permanent custody for a neglected or abused child. (PC in itself is a very long process. For instance, my daughter was in the "system" two years before permanent custody was obtained.) If the foster family doesn't want to adopt, other licensed to adopt families put in their home studies to be evaluated. Agency picks 5-7 home studies for a "matching meeting." Your social worker from your agency presents your file. Everybody votes and picks family number one and family number two.

In 2007, we put our home study in for three children. Made it to matching three times. We were picked as family number two once. Maybe this one will be the one:)

Thanks for your prayers.

Adoption Loss

Adoption loss is not a subject we talk about a lot. Or maybe there are resources out there, but we avoid seeing them because it's such a scary thought.

I am very contemplative this month. I am thinking back to last year at this time when we received the call from our agency on December 9th that a birth mother had picked our file out of a stack of files that our social worker had presented to her. We were the only couple that she was interested in meeting. We met with her and the birth father on December 18 and she said that she wanted us to adopt her baby which would be born in April.

Many things happened along the way. She failed her drug test and ended up in a women's prison. We hired our lawyer and remained hopeful. On March 9 we received a call that the baby had died. No other information was given. There would be no adoption.

I fully expected to have another child by this Christmas. We have presented our homestudy for three other children, never being the family picked.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is in control. And yet, I mourn. For the newborn child that was to be ours and for all the children out there that do not have families.

A Worthy Cause

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