Adoption loss is not a subject we talk about a lot. Or maybe there are resources out there, but we avoid seeing them because it's such a scary thought.
I am very contemplative this month. I am thinking back to last year at this time when we received the call from our agency on December 9th that a birth mother had picked our file out of a stack of files that our social worker had presented to her. We were the only couple that she was interested in meeting. We met with her and the birth father on December 18 and she said that she wanted us to adopt her baby which would be born in April.
Many things happened along the way. She failed her drug test and ended up in a women's prison. We hired our lawyer and remained hopeful. On March 9 we received a call that the baby had died. No other information was given. There would be no adoption.
I fully expected to have another child by this Christmas. We have presented our homestudy for three other children, never being the family picked.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is in control. And yet, I mourn. For the newborn child that was to be ours and for all the children out there that do not have families.