Here we go again;)

Well, our agency called yesterday with a referral.

Little boy. Blond hair. Blue-eyed. One-year old.

Put our home study in. Won't hear anything until after the first of the year.

Don't know when the matching meeting is.

For those not familiar with adoption through foster care agencies.....Children become available when a county obtains permanent custody for a neglected or abused child. (PC in itself is a very long process. For instance, my daughter was in the "system" two years before permanent custody was obtained.) If the foster family doesn't want to adopt, other licensed to adopt families put in their home studies to be evaluated. Agency picks 5-7 home studies for a "matching meeting." Your social worker from your agency presents your file. Everybody votes and picks family number one and family number two.

In 2007, we put our home study in for three children. Made it to matching three times. We were picked as family number two once. Maybe this one will be the one:)

Thanks for your prayers.

Adoption Loss

Adoption loss is not a subject we talk about a lot. Or maybe there are resources out there, but we avoid seeing them because it's such a scary thought.

I am very contemplative this month. I am thinking back to last year at this time when we received the call from our agency on December 9th that a birth mother had picked our file out of a stack of files that our social worker had presented to her. We were the only couple that she was interested in meeting. We met with her and the birth father on December 18 and she said that she wanted us to adopt her baby which would be born in April.

Many things happened along the way. She failed her drug test and ended up in a women's prison. We hired our lawyer and remained hopeful. On March 9 we received a call that the baby had died. No other information was given. There would be no adoption.

I fully expected to have another child by this Christmas. We have presented our homestudy for three other children, never being the family picked.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is in control. And yet, I mourn. For the newborn child that was to be ours and for all the children out there that do not have families.

A Worthy Cause

Please visit McKenzie Crew

Mighty Is The Cross

I held you in my heart

Dec. 6, 2006-March 9, 2007

Great Sadness

We received a call from our agency today. The birth father called to let them know that the baby had died. I have no details, just a huge ache in my heart. There will be no adoption.

Please pray for the birth mother and father.

Please listen:
The World Was Just Too Small

Dreams

Dreamed all night about the baby. Nothing specific that I can remember, just dreams. Woke up feeling at peace, though.

Still waiting for the lawyer's phone call.

33 Weeks

Baby is 33 weeks old.

DH and I hadn't been out since early January, mostly because of my looooong illness and Vicadin induced haze. Yesterday we went out to Chipotle (Mexican place with MASSIVE burritos), got a new cell phone at Cingular--the new AT&T (LOL), and then went to Target to find a cover for new, cute cell phone so that I wouldn't throw it away like I had a previous cell phone:) While at Target, we looked at baby clothes and dreamed for a little bit.

Here's my plan. I figure I'll get a call that the baby has been born and that we can come pick it up in 72 hours, after all the papers have been signed. I will then fly into a shopping frenzy and go to Target and Kohl's and buy all of those adorable little clothes that I've been drooling over. I will bring them home and leave them in the bags with the receipts. That way, if I don't get to bring the baby home, I can return everything:(

Oh, and nothing new from our agency or the lawyer. Patience, patience, patience. Private infant adoption is sooooo vastly different from foster care adoption.

Drool

I received the new Pottery Barn Kids catalog. Sigh! There are some beautiful baby things in there. And the nurseies! Oh my! Can I dream?

No update from the lawyer yet. What's a mama to do?

Still waiting

The lawyer has not called:( So, my theory for today is that she called the birth mother's lawyer, which she said she was going to do, and is waiting for a return call. Hmmmm. I would call my lawyer to see what's happening, but at $125 an hour, I think I'll wait. :)

Baby is 32 weeks and three days!!!!!

Lawyer Part II

Saw our lawyer today at church and updated her on the changes in the birthmom's address, etc. She is going to contact the birthmom's lawyer and see if she can find out what is going on. Where the adoption is filed will be different, so questions need to be answered.

Did I say that I really like our lawyer?

Beneath the Eyes of Heaven

My husband is a guitar player and has posted many of his songs on a site called iCompositions Last year he wrote a song called Beneath the Eyes of Heaven about adoption. I spoke the song. Check it out if you have a minute or two:)

Beneath the Eyes of Heaven

More of his music can be found here. His other songs are much better because I'm not on them. LOL He plays jazz, rock, Christian Contemporary. These lullabies are particularly gorgeous.
Lullaby 2
Lullaby 3

Adoption Support Group Meeting

Well, as I suspected, there was no update. Nada, Nil, Zilch! Just knowing smiles. Sigh!

Exciting!!!

A friend from my adoption support group at our church just e-mailed me to let me know that they got the "travel call" and will be picking up their daughter on March 17. They are adopting a second time from Korea. I'm so excited for them. Less than one month to go!!!

I will be going to the adoption support group meeting at our agency tonight. Think they will know anything new? Probably not:( I just have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and that this little person belongs to Him! He will find the right home for it.

31 Weeks!!!!

http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/calendar/week31

Wanted to post all the details from the baby-gaga site, but don't know the legality of it:)

Women who can carry babies full term and even longer amaze me! I went into labor with A at 26 weeks and she was born at 27 weeks weighing 2 lbs. 5 oz. and went down to 1 lb. 15 oz. I went into labor at 30 weeks with N and he was born at 34 weeks. We adopted J at 5 yo so I'm not sure of her birth history. I won't even mention the fertility issues!! (roll eyes)

Endodontist

I went to the endodontist today and....... the tooth is fine and doesn't need a root canal at this time. Yeah! I really liked her although I can't say that I "enjoyed" the process of having my tooth frozen, etc. in order to see if it was still alive;) She showed me on the x-ray that the sinus was "cloudy" and recommended going back to my Primary Care Physician. The endodontist said that since that is the next tooth in the area, any pain in my mouth, sinus, face would radiate right to it and the sinus pain was causing the pain in the tooth.

Went to see my MD at 2 p.m. today. He put me on a month of Cipro. He said that they put you on six weeks of IV antibiotics for a bone infection in your leg or arm, but not face, dental, sinus. Go figure. He said the previous two weeks of Levaquin plus the four weeks of Cipro (six weeks) should take care of it. Wonder what else it will kill in my body? LOL Too bad it can't kill fat cells.

I was supposed to go to our agency's adoption support group meeting tonight, but it has been changed to Thursday night. Hoping I'll hear something. This waiting is DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!! --Yes, I know I'm screaming;)

My kids are still recouping from their respective sleep overs. Crabby, crabby, crabby!

Happy Sunday!

Nothing new to report. I edited some of my posts because my husband felt I wasn't being private enough:) I'm one of those people that need to talk and talk and talk and it doesn't really matter who's listening.

I am feeling much better after my recent health issues. I went back to the dentist on Thursday and he is sending me to an endodontist on Tuesday to check out one of my remaining teeth in the area. I'm not sure if it needs a root canal or if it's just angry that we took its friend. LOL

J went to spend the night at her last foster family's tonight. It is the first time she's spent the night away from us since the adoption. I miss her. I hope she's having a great time! She was really excited to go and took a ton of toys and her princess tent.

N had his first friend sleep over as well tonight. I can hear both boys upstairs giggling. I doubt they will get much sleep. It's 11:30 and his friend is really excited because he usually is asleep by 9! Remember how exhilarating it was to stay up so late when you were little?

A is exhausted from the day and is vegging out on the couch watching TV. Ahhh, to be a teenager again:)

DH is at work (overtime)!

And I'm here, blogging. This is THE life!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!!

Poppy

I decided I needed something happy and upbeat today. I took this picture of the first poppy I ever grew in my garden on Memorial Day 2006. It picked that day to unfurl in all its glory. This was a great success for me because I had tried to grow poppies for about five years--from seed sown indoors, from seed sown outdoors, from plants purchased at the nursery. A friend's mom dug up some from her yard two years in a row and finally in 2006, one poppy grew. I'm sure there is some deep meaning in that story and some reason that I picked that picture to post, but I'm not going to worry about. I'm just going to enjoy my poppy:)

Upbeat:)

I just felt it necessary to say that I usually am a very upbeat person:) You couldn't tell it from this blog. I haven't figured out the photo posting thing yet and many of my posts have been pretty depressed sounding.

Update?

I know this is dragging me down even more because I'm still sick. I had a headache for four days and so went back to my doctor. No sign of infection, but my face and sinus are still red, inflamed, and swollen. All the pressure was causing the headache. More Motrin, hot and cold packs on my face. Finish the present antiobiotic. I've watched so much crime drama that my head is going to explode.

Psalm 103:1-5

Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all His benefits-

who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Hard Time

I've been having a hard time. I had a tooth/bone infection that resulted in the tooth being extracted. The surrounding sinus was also infected. The extraction site turned into a dry socket. I was on massive doses of antibiotics and pain killers for awhile. I have 10 MORE days of antibiotics. Ugh! I'm so happy to be in a place where I have access to good medical care and ability to pay for these procedures.

Our social worker told us that the birthmother's life situation had changed and was not sure if she was still "making an adoption plan" for her baby. I have so many emotions about this, but don't know if I can put them into words. This thing called adoption is such a crazy, crazy ride.

I called our agency yesterday to see if they had any new information. They have not returned my call.


So we wait and we pray.

And Counting....

I just realized that the baby's due date is 3 months from today!!!!!!

April 21, 2007

"The Family Nobody Wanted"

It's a lovely Sunday afternoon and I am reading through the blogosphere:) Today I am reading "Spirit of Adoption" and being greatly ministered to...especially by her post about waiting.

She also posted about "adoption media" that influenced her while she was a child and it sparked a rememberance for me. I remember watching a TV movie called "The Family Nobody Wanted" when I was small....the internet says it was 1975, so I would have been about seven....A preacher and his wife adopt 15 or 16 multicultural and/or special needs children. It was a beautiful movie.

About a year ago, I came across the book that the movie was based on at a local book store. I ended up borrowing it from the library. It is written by the mother, Helen Doss and I highly recommend it. One of the things that made this book so special for me was that I had just had a conversation with a friend about how the adoption/court day, which was growing closer, seemed very much like a wedding ceremony to me. We were making a public decree about our love and dedication to our soon to be daugher. My friend, who has not adopted, totally disagreed with me and said it was nothing like a wedding ceremony. About a week later, I started to read this book, which was written in the 1954. In it, Mrs. Doss talks at length about their first adoption and how it felt very much like a wedding ceremony!

Anyways, get the book! You'll be glad you did!

Adoption Blogs

I can't seem to get enough of the Adoption Blogs I have found. There is something so wonderful about being able to read about other's journeys through this maze. I have travelled it once before, but, just like each pregnancy is different, so it seems each adoption is different. How could it not be?

So, thank you, fellow adoption bloggers. You have all helped me while I wait:)